FAGAT'S 2006

FAGAT’S 2006
Wilting Manners

Food

31

Décor

31

Service

31.5

Cost
If you have to ask, you can't afford it

Hurricane District
(bet. Ree Pair & D’isaster)
Wilton Manors, FL
954-555-1212
www.wiltingmanners.com

Key to Ratings:
Food, Decor, and Service are each berated on a scale of 0 to 30.
26-30 ...over the moon
20-25 ...pretty damn good
16-19 ...OK, I guess
10-15 ...mediocre
0-9 ...merde

Cost reflects our survivor's estimate of the price of stay with one slap and tickle.
If you need more information, please visit our HELP ME! section

Review
Still “magical” with “fireworks nightly”, this “original” and “whimsical” establishment “has” to be the “crème de le crème” of a town that defines “off”beat. A rare mix of the spartan and the exotic, kudos go to host “Manners Dave” and his “dazzling”, “innovative”, haute new age, old soup can, American cuisine.

Mixing the casual with “nudist” flair, one has to experience “nude” breakfast, “nude” internet, “nude” television, and “nude” bathing to fully appreciate the full range of “nude” offerings. For a real “treat”, be sure to request the “nude” coffee and cartoons in “bed”.

Oversize fluffy towels, tongue scrapers, vase o’condoms, fabulous “Iguana” view, and an eclectic selection “of” movies ranging from the absurd “to” the yet more absurd, are but a sampling “of” the tasteful, yet tasty, amenities offered.

A consummate host, “MD” will treat you to service unlike anything you are likely to experience elsewhere in this “under repair” corridor. Book early, only parties of one accepted – and strictly limited to “ME.”

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Things I Didn’t Say

I think I scared a few people today... While flying home from a great, albeit short trip, I learned that there are some things that are probably just not socially acceptable.

I was given a gift of a stuffed animal (a little furry lion) on this trip. It really means a lot to me for many reasons – a couple of them being how it reminds me of who gave it to me, and the fact that I have never been given a stuffed animal before. I didn’t want to squish him with in my luggage, and I also didn’t want him to suffer the indignity of being crammed in an overhead compartment.

So there I was, a grown (?) man, sitting in my window seat, wearing dark sunglasses, obviously experiencing a slow leak from the corners of both eyes, and holding a little stuffed lion in my lap. Needless to say, nobody bothered me on the entire fight.

But that’s not what I intended to write about...

There always seems to be so much that doesn’t get said during special moments in my life. This trip was one of those. Sometimes, they actually occur to me when I can say them, but for whatever reason, they don’t get said. Sometimes, they come to me too late. So, here are some of the things I didn’t say...

Thank you for sharing your home, your friends, and your life with me. Thank you for sharing what lives in your eyes; a window to those places where we really live, really dream, really know where the truth resides. Thank you for your smile, laughter, and moments of childlike abandon interspersed with the intensity of all that was explored, known, and shared.

I take with me tender moments, unspoken, eyes open, eyes closed, in a rare expression of “being.” But best of all, allowing me the opportunity to appreciate what it means for you to be “just you.”

So if you find yourself in a similar position, don’t hold back – just say it. Or, quite possibly, you will also wind up having people pointing and staring at you while you’re doing something equally socially unacceptable.

The Day

Quietly,
around the periphery of events
the day seeps in.
Over rough hewn edges
caressed by time,
light, shadow, color and sound,
beam, heighten, imbue, and weep,
until the stream of events
diminish, can’t compare.
With a whisper,
the day wields its power.