Love and Madness

I feel the cycle, the repetition
When I allow myself to feel at all
The things we do to make our way
And lose our way
A bit each day

Love and madness are in the air
You only have to choose
The things we do to keep it whole
We lose our soul
To keep it whole

Life does not grow simpler with time
The crime is that we worked it out before
A door that opened, turn around – it’s gone
What’s done is done, but how to carry on?

I know the answers, the lessons learned
But the questions no longer seem to fit
The things we do to just get by
Today I cry
Today I fly

Space does not flow equally with time
The crime is that we’ve come this way before
A door discovered, find the latch – it’s gone
It’s all been done, yet still we carry on

Love and madness are in the air
You only have to choose

Theorem

I think we all remember the kid in math class who would challenge the teacher with the question “when will I ever use this (algebra/geometry/calculus, etc.) in real life?” I remember that challenge continuing through college math courses and wonder where the kid, turned teen, turned adult wound up.

I think I have a theory.

A friend shared the following with me and I feel compelled to pass it along. Here, my friends, at long last, is the application to REAL life:


This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
Indisputable mathematical logic… a strictly mathematical viewpoint... that goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

A little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you:

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it is the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.



Class dismissed…

They Say There’s No Such Thing…

… as a stupid question.


Now, I am not completely without compassion and I don’t expect everyone to be a tech geek. But still, there are times when the desire to ask, “DID YOU READ THE FUCKING DIRECTIONS OR ARE YOU JUST ILLITERATE!” (thanks, Tom – your royalty check and t-shirt are in the mail), is very strong.

Those of us who work in a technology intensive field, have to work with technologically challenged people, or just have common sense and are searching for the glimmer of the light of intelligence in any co-worker’s eyes, might understand the picture above. I don’t know whether it is a fabrication, a clever bit of photoshoped humor, or a real help screen - but to whoever submitted this picture to Google Images… I understand and feel your pain.

True story… back in my days of working at HP we had just such a challenged admin. She was trying to install software and got stuck when the message appeared “PRESS ANY KEY.” For the life of her, she could not find the key to press that was labeled “Any.” So, she called the help desk and told them that her keyboard was missing a key... you can’t make this stuff up.

For nearly two years, I have been the equivalent of our little business’ help desk. I have endured the slings and arrows of outrageous inquiries about email, “broken” PC’s, keyboards, and mice (mouse’s, mouses?) that were actually unplugged or otherwise disconnected. I “fixed” copiers and printers that were out of paper. I “made the digital camera work” by charging the batteries. I have been a hero, a savior, a god… but no more.

I hired someone to take on one of my five jobs where I work. For the past week, I have experienced the singular joy of redirecting all of the calls of technology doom and disaster to another. I feel a sense of relief that I have not known for lo, these past two years. While he is taking it all in stride (yes, HE – I had the audacity to hire a male in our little gynocracy), I sit snickering inside waiting to see how long it will take him to mutter the bold words above.

Ah, life’s little joys… ya gotta take ‘em where you can.