The Calm After The Calm

It is now a week since returning from vacation. David and I had a wonderful time and if you haven’t seen the pictures, check them out – to the right of the blog on my Flickr page. David actually has better pictures on his Facebook page, so if you have access to his page, check that out as well.

My return to work was… unusual. Usually, when I return to work from a vacation, I get irritated quickly and it proves to be a hellish week. Not this time. I felt brain-dead all week. It may be that I was actually relaxed and have become unfamiliar with the feeling. Lots got done, (although it is never enough), bills were paid, deposits made, employees were added to insurance policies, a new employee started, contact was made with a new IT company, lots of discussion on our company website, meetings were endured, a million questions were answered, toilets were repaired… you know, the usual stuff. But I took it all in stride nearly all week. Something shifted on Friday and a little bit of the tension started seeping through. I suppose I should be grateful for four relatively calm (that is, me being calm) days.

I imagine that after all of the elegant resort atmosphere, attentive staff, spa pampering, and amazing food, I should expect the mundane world to be a bit colorless. I am trying to add some color to my life by sinking my teeth into my music studio – a pleasant reminder that I have a life outside of work. It is progressing slowly, but it is getting there.

So here I am, struggling to put a few sentences together because the brain is still in a bit of a haze. Probably best that I stop here and start making some noise... I mean, music…

Cheers!

A Moment’s Pause

It has been quite a time, lately. I feel like I have been ridden hard and put away wet… it’s a metaphor, people, don’t get all trashy. OK, get trashy, I can use the laugh. Hmmm… there’s a bit of textbook ADD.

Anyway

June is hell month in my little corner of the universe I call my job(s). It is the end of the fiscal year, it is the month following our signature event (someone has to count the money), it is budget completion time, it is financial audit prep time, and all of the usual financial reporting, board meetings, daily drama, letting two people go and hiring another, etc, etc, etc… still had to happen – on time. This has been a particularly nasty one and it did not all go well. The budget is not finished and my usually organized records are in disarray so I am unprepared for the audit.

Oy

As I see it, I have two choices. I can either continue to work seven days a week or I can realize that I am shortening my life once again (it is a pattern with my job choices) and stop. I chose the latter. Well, maybe “pause” is more accurate than “stop.” I had planned to take off my birthday off because I consider my birthday to be a National Holiday and no one should have to work – most of all, me. So if you agree with this, call in birthday on Monday and celebrate with me. Well, Monday turned into Monday and Tuesday, which turned into a half day yesterday… nearly five days off. I return for two days, and then we have a three day Holiday (the recognized National kind) weekend.

Yay

A strange thing is happening. I am feeling a sense of calm… dare I say, peace. It is the first weekend since…???... that I have not either been at work, been at a work function, worked at home, or done anything related to work. I believe those funny sounds I am hearing are my own thoughts (thoughts… thoughts… thoughts…). I know there will be too much stuff waiting for me when I return to work, but for right now, it doesn’t matter.

Double Yay (Yay Yay)

So, yes, July will probably suck, but… there is another, possibly honesttogoodnessreal vacation in early August. David and I are taking the week off to celebrate his 50th birthday (now that should certainly be a national holiday). We have no firm plans yet. If you have David’s email or are connected to him on Facebook, blogger, or better still, by phone, tell him that we need to GO AWAY. The kind of GO AWAY that means spending a little money and being away from home and all of the chores that comes with that territory. He will probably kill me for this, but what the heck, it’s worth a try.

Please?

You see, this is what happens when I allow my mind to wander, unfocused. They (whoever “they” are) say that some stress is good – it keeps the mind active and focused. I hate to prove “them” right, but I fear with every word, I am doing just that. So, on that note (lalala) gentle reader, I will leave you with this thought…

Nothing succeeds like a parakeet with no teeth.

Connected

I am coming to the end of 12 days off from work – the longest stretch I have enjoyed since I started my current job just over two years ago. This is not an adventure or getaway… just a bit of stay-at-home domestic bliss. Unfortunately, David has only had Christmas Day, New Year’s day, and Sundays off – that sucks… we have always had this time off together.

I feel the need to encapsulate things - to take a chunk of time and see it as a defining period, to try and give some meaning to the day to day, to view events as milestones along my way… Hell, if I didn’t, I would probably never write. I know others do this as well, but I try and draw the line between blah, blah, and a bit of substance. Far more goes on in my head than ever makes it to print – and trust me, that is a good thing (there is a lot of blah, blah in there).

So what has defined this time off? It seems to be a time of connecting and reconnecting. This is possible, in large part, to the fact that I have actually had the time to do it. Work consumes much of my time and most of my energy. But in an otherwise uneventful week and a half, I have reconnected with no less than 20 people. Whether in person, via phone, email, or web connections, it has been a very rewarding experience. It feels as good as the energy that existed on that OTHER social networking site when it still functioned.

How long this continues is up to me. I know that when it seems there is no time, I need to take the time. I think someone wrote something in a recent blog about cultivating friendships… oh right, that was me. Time to make it happen. I should follow the example of one person who is very special to me… we were connected on the aforementioned OTHER social networking site, and when THE GREAT EXODUS began, we exchanged email addresses and phone numbers and promised each other to stay in touch. When we reconnected this week through the internet, she picked up the phone and called the number that she has saved since we exchanged them. It was not only a pleasant surprised, the conversation affirmed that she is just as brilliant and beautiful as I always knew. Thank you, Haley.

Just one bit of irony… the attempted connection that started all of this (duly documented, two blogs ago) was my father reaching out to me in a way that was very surprising and more than a little curious. It is now one week later and my reply to him has gone unanswered. Oh well, c’est la vie… maybe there is still a chance, but it is part of a pattern that I have seen since I was a child.

But… To all of you who responded to my hope of reconnecting… thank you!

AND… A very big thank you to those of you who have remained connected.

With that, I feel like 2009 is starting on a positive note.

Stress Release

If you watched the video, you will understand why I am off from work. Tension can only build up to a point where you have to let off some steam. I don’t think it was an overreaction, do you?

Fortunately, there are those who understand my distress. When I sent my “out of office” email auto response to my web guy (AKA my friend Tom, AKA designer of the Mr. Bitch t-shirt, AKA look at the link to the right of the blog that says “Tom”), I received this revised version:

I will be out of the office until Tuesday, October 28. I don't care if you need anything from now until then. Figure it out for yourself. THEY CALL THIS BEING PROACTIVE - do YOU know what PROACTIVE IS??? or are you still on B in the dictionary?

If it is ABSOLUTELY an emergency call 911 or 411 or - whoever the hell else you want to call but DONT CALL ME because I simply don't give a shit.

Good luck - hope not to see you again.
Mr. Bitch

Clearly, I have expressed my feelings about my work associates directly and accurately. But you probably ascertained that from the video.

So with that, I bid you all a happy and stress-free weekend.

Not Exactly a Vacation – Epilogue

Let’s not call it time off. Let’s call it staying at home (mostly) and being constantly annoyed, harassed, and generally pissed of at people who can’t think for themselves for FOUR FREAKING DAYS.

Earlier, I said that I have not whined about work for a while. I intend to change that...

It is official. I did not have one day of my “vacation” where I was not contacted by work for reasons from the ridiculous to the more ridiculous. When, on Wednesday, I issued an edict that I would no longer be looking at or responding to emails, but rather acting like I was on vacation, I thought I was pretty clear. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop there.

Monday was a Holiday, so nobody was at work… thank God for Holidays. Tuesday was countless emails about getting what I needed to do a payroll from home (my fault for choosing a payroll week) and several “while I have you” emails. Wednesday was doing payroll at an ungodly hour because the cable guy was coming to repair our wireless signal – we already talked about that, but let me reiterate that the cable guy was an IDIOT! When the emails starting coming to my personal account, I had to issue aforementioned edict. Thursday was the panic about getting ready for a hurricane that IF it was actually heading in this direction would not be an issue for at least five days. Did that deter them from panicking? No. Did my edict hold? No. Did not responding to emails work? No. That’s when the phone calls started.

Let me say at this point that I am not a genius, a psychic, or in possession of any superhuman abilities… in other words, these are things that anybody can handle if only they would allow their brains to engage before working their mouths.

I snuck into work very early Friday morning to get out the plans for the hurricane shutters (even if it was too early to put them up) and directions for changing the system voicemail message (which didn’t need to be done). I made a copy of each to leave as a present for my boss and almost got out the door… almost. I could hear someone downstairs as I was leaving and I knew it was my boss *sigh* She is a very, very nice woman and she looked like she was about to burst into tears. It seems that in three sort days, the crazies had gotten to her to the point where she felt like she was losing her mind. Uh, yeah…I understand. You see, she and I share an office; we’re roomies and we get along very well. We bounce ideas off of each other, laugh a lot, and make the best of a… let’s say, difficult work environment. We’re a team. Uncouple the team, and apparently there is trouble.

I listened to her for an hour (did I mention that this is my vacation?) and when she said that she was starting to feel better, I recognized my cue to leave and possibly have one day of a vacation-like illusion. No such luck… While finally doing something with a friend that resembled having a life, the phone rang – Incoming text message “r u there?” I turned to my friend and said “Why do I do this to myself” as I, the world’s slowest texter (not a real word), responded. We were out, and about to head home, so I allowed myself those five short minutes before I called. Hurricane panic again. I was brief, I was curt, I was in no way going to be party to a plan that was a knee-jerk reaction to an undetermined problem that would involve going into work over the weekend which, by the way is STILL PART OF MY VACATION.

So that is how I spent my week off. My goodness, am I SO primed for Monday…

Don’t Read This…

…If you are put off by a passion for music and all of the technical geekdom that goes into making it happen. Your attention may wane and your eyes may glaze over… you have been warned.

So, what have I been doing on my (sort of) vacation? Painting the bathroom that I started two years ago? Nope. Getting the Hi-Def and digital service for the TV I bought in January? Nope. Taking care of doctor appointments, dental appointments, bank accounts, car servicing, etc., a.k.a. known as getting your life together while you have the opportunity? Nope.

What I have done so far is have daily communication with work, culminating in doing payroll from home yesterday (starting at 5:30 am), finishing just in time for the cable guy to show up and try (“try” being the operative word) to fix our wireless signal. Payroll got done and like the good geek that I am, I told the cable guy how to fix the problem… why did I even call for service? Anyway, work demands continued to persist, so I had to make a declaration that I was no longer reading my email and I was going act like I was on vacation. Remote log-in disconnected, not answering work calls… enough.

Now I am free to continue to put more time into what I have been doing, on and off, since last weekend – putting together my home recording studio. When I owned a home in New Jersey (1986 to 1998) I had a full home studio and I had a blast doing a lot of composition and recording there. The format at the time was cassette, so if I am to resurrect any of it, I have a lot of converting to digital to do. I had to leave behind a lot of equipment for my move to Maine (a home studio in a B&B just doesn’t work), so I have only a few essential pieces remaining from that setup – and a lot of stored music files on 3 ½” disk that I have no way of reading in a format that I no longer have the software for. Hello, Musician’s Friend…

Musician’s Friend has a catalog and website that turns me into a kid in a candy store. Since I play several instruments, there is always something I “need.” I have been pretty successful in deleting the emails with advertised specials (mostly), but now that I am intent in getting a scaled down studio together, the credit card has been used and abused.

So what have I put together so far? Ok, here’s the geeky part:

A small workstation with rails for rack mounting synthesizers and effects modules
My old analog (cassette) Tascam 424 Portastudio multi-track recorder (4 tracks)
A new(er) Tascam DP-01 Digital Portastudio multi track recorder (8 tracks)
An M-Audio pre-amp
My cherished Proteus 1 (256 rock/pop sounds) and Proteus 2 (256 orchestral sounds) synthesizers
An ART FXR Elite Multi effect rack
A Korg K61P controller keyboard
A M-Audio 88 hammer action, weighted key digital piano/controller keyboard
An Oberheim Strummer (emulates strumming action for synthesized guitar sounds)
Cakewalk Home Studio recording and sequencing software
A Fender Strat electric guitar (is there any other?) and Fender amp
A 1968 original Ovation 12 string acoustic/electric guitar that I have owned since 1973
An Epiphone mandolin
Shure 545SD and 5565 microphones
Sony Studio Monitor system
Sony Studio headphones ( to keep David from... well, to keep David...)

Is that enough? Hell, no… Ordered and on its way:
Alesis mixing board with built in digital signal processing (are you still with me?)
Yamaha synthesizer (cheap, but an easy way to add more sounds)
Various wires, cables, and replacement ac adapters that seem to have gone missing in all of my moving from place to place

While that may sound like a lot, here is what I left behind in my moves:
Three classic synthesizers (two Korgs and a mini-moog) and an A-frame keyboard stand
A piano
A Tama drum kit
Korg drum machine
A flute
An Alto Sax
A violin
Two dulcimers
A Crate 1000W PA system
A wireless microphone headset
Microphone stands
Various percussion toys…
And a room that was able to accommodate all of this (eyes glazing over, are they… skimming over the details?)

That is all well and good, but you may ask, “where is the output – I don’t hear any music?” All in good time… it takes a while to get this all together, get the electronics talking to each other, practicing, composing, recording, mixing down to stereo – and then you will hear the music. I promise.

In the mean time, I am covered in miles of cable that looks like spaghetti on steroids – and loving it.

Not Exactly a Vacation…

… but close enough. Let’s call it time off. I am taking advantage of a Holiday weekend to have a full week of greatly needed time off.

I have not whined about work for a while, but I will say this much. I need a serious reset. I’m thinking of having a reset button installed… somewhere near the port for a memory card that I have planned. What do you think – neck, forehead? The neck would be better aesthetically, but the forehead would be more practical because I wouldn’t have to fumble without being able to see where I am inserting the card. Maybe a different spot for each… the last thing I need is for some damn fool to come running up and hit a reset button on my forehead. I would probably think it was time to start my day over. Hmmm… the challenges of bionics.

But I digress… and probably inadvertently proved my need for a reset.

So, the “not exactly a vacation” part has to do with the fact that we are not going anywhere. But that’s OK, I have enjoyed home vacations before. But David has to work… but that’s OK (for me, not him), I just need time away from work. But I forgot when I planned this time off that it is a payroll week, so I will have to do that (from home, I hope). But that’s OK, it should only take a few hours. But it will involve communicating with people from work, and I don’t know about you, but to me a vacation means NO communication with work…

I work at strange place where the managers feel they need to be in constant communication with work on their time off. That’s just wrong. Why bother taking the time off if you are checking your work email and making calls to “check in?” I am dedicated, but that is just obsessive and more than a little controlling. I have a good, competent staff and I trust them to do what needs to be done. Someone needs to change that mindset and I am happy to start a new trend.

Now that I whined about work (yet again), the fact remains that I AM on vacation and I have some fun projects planned. Woe be the first misguided soul to call me from work and say “Help me Poppa Smurf, we don’t know what to do!”

OK Boys, Break’s Over…

… and so my first real vacation in over seven years come to a close. You may say, “Hey, what about all of those Disney trips? “ Well, here is how I define a real vacation:

It must last at least one full week AND it requires being away from home for that week

There is usually a third – It must involve no more than two people, and one of those two must be me. But with a family reunion as the basis for the vacation, well, that one got waived. Besides, the aforementioned vacation seven years ago was the beginning of a series of events that resulted in my eventual divorce. While, in retrospect, that is not a bad thing, I am not looking to repeat that experience ever again… the two rules will suffice.

There is no way that I am going to attempt to chronicle the entire week. But I can give you some highlights (and low points)

There were 19 of us in a very nice beach house at a wonderful location. But, there were 19 of us… Everyone was very nice and considering that I was new to 15 members of David’s family in a potentially awkward situation, everyone was very nice. It didn’t take long to fit in…

I shared a birthday with Amy (pictured beneath the blade), one of David’s nieces, who quickly became my favorite (shhh…. Don’t tell the rest). David gave me a very cool and unexpected gift – the entire Absolutely Fabulous series on DVD, packaged in an absolutely fabulous silver tufted case that looks like a book, complete with silver and black leopard print silk book marker. Smashing, sweetie darling…

There were six children ranging in age from 3 to 13. In my experience and considering my low tolerance for children, I must say they are very well behaved… most of the time. But they are children, so I expect them be just that… children. I think my facial expression says it best...

I have heard it , but now I have experienced it - this family really does get along very well. Most were up each night to the wee hours having cocktails, playing games, having cocktails, talking, having cocktails. Amazing…

David got an earache on Tuesday and is still fighting it.

I got sick on Wednesday with fever, muscle aches and chills. The worst of it lasted for only 24 hours, but I still can’t eat properly (not necessarily a bad thing at my current weight.)

Mom’s 80th birthday was on Thursday. We all descended on a local pub that serves great pizza and other than David’s earache and my inability to eat, a good time was had by all. One of David’s nieces made a very cool cake and we did the gift thing back at the beach house. I still can’t believe that she is 80 – she is, to say the least, an amazing woman. Oh yes, we gave her the coolest gift – a digital frame loaded with new and old pictures and even included a video clip from Christmas at Disney. Oooh’s and Ahhh’s abounded.

The fireworks display on the 4th was probably one of the best fireworks displays in my experience. The beach is a big crescent from Sanibel Island, through Fort Meyers, Bonita Springs, and all the way down to Naples. All were going at the same time and we were right at the center of the crescent. Some of the most impressive displays were right on the beach on each side of us – really, really close on each side of us. For a change, I decided not to bring the camera and just enjoy it. It was a very good choice.

I didn’t turn off my phone soon enough and work did call… later, I missed a birthday call from a good friend who I really would have enjoyed talking to. Oh well, cell phones are a necessary evil.

We left with a ton of leftover food, about 500 photos, goodies from a local outlet mall, and returned to find all was well, and that bills don’t stop coming in the mail just because you are on vacation.

That’s the short version. And so for now, break’s over. Tomorrow, I find out what awaits me at work, ready to hit the ground running. I reserve the right to whine about it.

But before that, perhaps a Sunday nap…