It is one of those classic situations. A comment is made, you are caught off guard and mutter something vapid, then later think of a thousand great responses.
I was on a sidewalk when a woman walking her two little rats on a split leash strolled right into my path. I could either stop or get out of the way. Since it was a busy sidewalk, I had to do an ungraceful twist to avoid squashing one of the little bugs. She stops, looks at me with an expression like she just smelled something bad and says, “Smile, it’s really not that tragic.”
Oh, the possibilities…
I fought my immediate urge to blurt out something rude. I am still not sure why. I felt the bitchy bile boil up and I swallowed it in all its bitterness. Instead, I said “You’re right, it is not tragic.” Unfortunately, that only emboldened her further. “I don’t know what your problem is…” WTF?!?
Again, the possibilities…
I just wanted to get past it (and her) so I said “I was not looking at you.” I might as well have said, “Yeah… well you too!” or some other lame, dumbass thing. For some reason my filter was fully engaged and all the myriad possibilities just vanished in the evening breeze.
It took only seconds for the “You know what I should have said?” to kick in.
First, the facts… she had a scowl the whole time she was telling me to smile. Maybe she was smiling in her mind, but the amount of cosmetic surgery over the years allowed only the rictus grin I saw. Her little rat dogs were way too far ahead on the leash than one would expect in polite society. Oh, that’s right, I live in Florida… ain’t nothin’ polite about it. Her age inappropriate clothing only added to the picture that screamed “IT’S ALL ABOUT ME!!!”… and I reacted to none of it. I suppose I should be proud of myself for not stooping to her level, but it would have felt soooooo good to throw it all back at her.
OK, I need to get it out of my system. WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID:
“Have you looked in a mirror lately? Now that’s tragic!”
“I am smiling. I just stepped on one of your dogs.”
“Oh, that’s just me not giving a crap about what you think”
“Wow… have you saved those clothes since the 70’s?”
“I’ll smile when you can. Maybe your surgeon can sew one for you.”
You get the idea. Call it a missed opportunity, momentary lapse of reason, or just being someplace else mentally. I promise I will not let this happen again… I have a reputation to uphold.
