Like any other lonely, insecure, maladjusted, and slightly twisted single person, I learned the joy of hugging a pillow while I sleep. It was a habit that I thought would go away when I was no longer single, and it did – for a while. With life’s little daily stressors and a touch of insomnia, I re-learned the joy of pillow hugging. That is, of course, only when the real thing (much more comforting, comfortable, and huggable) has fallen asleep and I do not want to disturb…
This habit seems to be contagious. Pillows are good for balancing the body, helping to keep the back straight, and keeping a sore shoulder comfortable – and, of course, just comforting.
First, there was the designated “huggy pillow.” Then the full length body pillow appeared. I affectionately refer to it as “the great wall.” So now, with two official huggy pillows and two people, one would think that all would be right in the world. One would be wrong.
An odd thing now happens through the night. I fall asleep hugging a pillow and wake up through the night with the pillow gone… to find that David is holding it. Curious. How does this pillow transference occur? I have a theory.
As we all know from watching Travelocity® commercials, garden gnomes have the ability to move freely among us, unnoticed. I believe that gnomes secretly enter our homes in the night and unceremoniously move the pillow from one person to another. Then they give a little kick in the hindquarters just for fun. This would explain those bruises on your butt that you can’t remember getting.
I am in the process of setting up a motion sensor video surveillance system to catch the little buggers in the act. Then I intend to contact Scientific American and The National Inquirer.
You, gentle readers, don’t have to thank me for this information. It is a service I provide out of deep affection for you.
This habit seems to be contagious. Pillows are good for balancing the body, helping to keep the back straight, and keeping a sore shoulder comfortable – and, of course, just comforting.
First, there was the designated “huggy pillow.” Then the full length body pillow appeared. I affectionately refer to it as “the great wall.” So now, with two official huggy pillows and two people, one would think that all would be right in the world. One would be wrong.
An odd thing now happens through the night. I fall asleep hugging a pillow and wake up through the night with the pillow gone… to find that David is holding it. Curious. How does this pillow transference occur? I have a theory.
As we all know from watching Travelocity® commercials, garden gnomes have the ability to move freely among us, unnoticed. I believe that gnomes secretly enter our homes in the night and unceremoniously move the pillow from one person to another. Then they give a little kick in the hindquarters just for fun. This would explain those bruises on your butt that you can’t remember getting.
I am in the process of setting up a motion sensor video surveillance system to catch the little buggers in the act. Then I intend to contact Scientific American and The National Inquirer.
You, gentle readers, don’t have to thank me for this information. It is a service I provide out of deep affection for you.
12 comments:
You snooze, you lose. [hugs pillow tightly]
It's the gnomes, I tell you!
I am alone and sometimes the gnome seems to take my pillow and places it on the floor. Damn he's quick.
They are shifty little beasties, Richard.
You know I have heard of ppl getting it on with pillows and mattresses...but that is totally off subject isn't it. Wayne still hugs my pillow when I am not there. His idea of cuddeling is throwing his arm over my neck strangling me in his sleep. Its great when attempted murder occurs in your sleep. LOL
Well I am glad to hear from ya...you know me the eteral slut whore from hell ...I will always be slutting around on the internet looking for ways to currupt innocent ppl that NEVER do anything wrong...yep me, dwarf princess of nymphomania...yep I am not bitter at all
Odd that.
I have a tendency to hump mine :-)
I heard that garden gnomes will not show up in any photogrpah or video . . .
Ok I confess, I have been having an affair with my pillows now for 8 yrs. Yes, your read right, that is plural.
My firm pillows name is Hans. He is 42 year muscular, blonde german man with large hands and a sexy smirk. He is immune to body heat and smothering.
My squishy pillows name is Franco. He is a handsome italian. He is a very light sleeper and often gets up in the middle of the night to clean, do laundry and cook up a variety of italian delicacies.
My secret is out - I am going back to bed now. I should be back in a few months.
GNOME ALERT : : : : :
Upon attempting to initiate my afternoon pillow snuggle session I discovered that the gnomes that you speak of are in fact a reality.
Both my pillows (Hans and Franco) have been replaced with dried crackers. Can you help? What do you suggest?
Hmmmm... dried crackers you say? I don't think that is gnomes, I suspect Keebler Elves. I suggest spraying the crackers with Windex and see what happens...
The windex worked unbelievably well, at first the process was pretty slow so I went to watch TV.
When I returned not only had the pillows regenerated, but multiplied. There were now 8 perfectly formed pillows placed in a diagonal pattern across the bed.
Thank you... I doubt I will be back for several months.
Crap..i didnt know how to send you a direct message on here.Its Wolfy..anyway i finally got the blogger on..so much stuff to put on there though.
Love,
Jeff
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