C is for Curmudgeon – Part II

The process started early, more than a few years ago... I think it is time to stop fighting the growing crankiness within and embrace my inner curmudgeon. I can imagine developing a classic sneer and sitting by the window yelling at kids, “Go where ya live!” Some among you think I already do this (shut up, Patrick). I assure you I am not there yet…

Until then, I feel the need to share (unload, gripe) some things that grind my ass to the bone, and at my current weight, getting to the bone takes some doing. Random thoughts in no particular order:


If you have to say “long story short,” probably you have said too much already.

When did the word “invite” become a noun?

For most “customer service” call centers, anywhere in the world, you can make the call, then walk, drive, or fly there, pick up the phone and talk to yourself. Chances are you know more anyway.

I truly believe that most people in South Florida have fried their brains in the sun. It is the only thing that could account for the way they drive, walk out in front of moving cars, park in a way that blocks your car, and otherwise behave poorly in public - blocking grocery store aisles for inane conversation, unaware of the long line behind them as they tell their life story at the pharmacy, no volume control or any concept of an “indoor voice,” etc., etc., etc.

I am old enough to remember when smoking was permitted everywhere. I believe it is human nature to switch addictions rather than eliminate them altogether. Cell phones are the new cigarettes. Get up, have coffee, enjoy that first smooth call of the day. Get in your car, start the engine, make that call (see poor driving reference above). Grab the grocery cart, make a call (ditto). Have a drink, dial a friend. Of course, you can always double your pleasure – grab a cigarette, grab your phone. Let’s not forget texting – the lite cigarettes of the cell phone world….

I like it around your neck like a feedbag.

I am really tired of hearing about the “Sanctity of Marriage,” and the ridiculous notions of what are considered threats to it. If you want to preserve your sanctimonious notion, then why aren’t you working to make divorce illegal? Then, one man and one woman, you are stuck with each other for life, ‘till death do you part – you know, that vow you took...

What exactly is “a whole nother?” Yes, I know it’s a thing.

Best quote I’ve heard recently – “I think it’s an unbelievably tight race for hideous today.” – Michael Kors

Second best quote – “If I hadn’t told Stumpy to clean out the wood chipper by hand we’d still be calling him Uncle Ed.” – Sheldon’s mother from Big Bang Theory

…If you think any of this is negative, you are probably a Pollyanna. Ahhh… that felt good. Where’s my cell phone?